Thursday, January 24, 2008

Disgusted.....

Ok - I'm disgusted with myself. I've gained about 25 pounds!!!

I know what to do and how to do it. I don't understand why I can't get myself to do it. It's almost as if I'm sabotaging myself continously.

I know that if I eat right and exercise I feel better physically and mentally. I know that if I eat right and exercise I could pull this weight off with no problem. Why can't I get myself to do it???

I want to look good and feel good. I know that weight does not equate to whether or not you deserve love. I do love myself but I keep abusing myself.

I call it addiction. I am addicted to food and my addiction is out of control. I want to get back into control. I don't understand why I don't.

I need to save myself from myself yet again. No one can do this but me. I need love and support to do it though. I get plenty of love and support from the people I surround myself with so there's really no reason for me not to do this.

I will take it one step at a time. I promised a friend of mine that I would go to the gym today. I will try to keep my promise to my friend.

4 comments:

Claudia said...

(((Bethy)))

Please don't waste your energy being disgusted with yourself. That is not the way to go. You know that. Love yourself and hang in there. The weight will come off. I'm here for you. I love you.

LLTFF!!!!!!!!

Ang said...

((BETHY)) I know of all people you can do this..Please don't beat yourself up..Be thankful and grateful that you acknowledged it now and not 100 or 150 lbs from now..You know what works best for you..You have the love inside you..and I know that the Fab Four and others (myself included) have lots of love to give you too.
Hugs Girl!!

hot tamale said...

Claudia hit the nail on the head. I need to listen to her advise too. Bethy, it is a head scratcher, why we do what we do to ourselves. I wish I had the answer and I wish I could shake my addiction and get back on track, loose what I've gained and then make it to goal.....but alas food wins every time. I call it out of body bingeing. All I know is we just cant ever give up trying. Every day is a "do-over" One of these days we will win the battle Beth, never give up hope.
love ya
Becky

Vennie said...

Oh, Honey, I am SO in sympathy with you. But I agree with Claudia that spinning our wheels trying to figure out why we do what we do is a waste of time and energy. I hope you and I can both regain our focus and return to the healthy way of life we both know and love and know is best for us. My heart is always with you.